Melee 5 - "The Satanic Verses"
« on: January 31, 2018, 11:47:43 AM »

Jake had skulked through the seamiest underbelly New York City had to offer after the night Francis Ford Cuppola got arrested. He slipped out the back door before the police could see he was there, and looked at the world with new, shell-shocked and jaded eyes. By the time he’d mustered the courage to confront the woman undoubtedly responsible for Francis being framed by phony evidence, he’d lost a shoe, ripped a pant leg and missed the anniversary of being dumped by his ex-girlfriend.

Jake rode the elevator up to the top floor of the Fight 2 Win office building, to her office in tattered clothing to match his shattered optimism about the world and reeking of urine and fecal matter from all the dark corners he’d been hiding in. The elevator doors dinged open and he marched down the hallway with barely a notice of the office staff turning up their nose at the whiff of him. At her door he didn’t bother knocking, it was long past the time for politeness. He was through being her patsy, her mole, or her whipping boy. He shoved into the door and found Angelina Altamonte already in a meeting. Her glare deflated half the courage he’d just mustered.

“You stink.” Jake stood in the office doorway looking from her to the man seated beside her, both of them seated before a wide projector screen stuck on still-frame. He crossed his arms awkwardly.

Her glare turned to a casual, victorious smirk.

“No matter. Get cleaned up, Jake. I want you to meet my new friend, Gabe Frohman.”

She introduced Jake to the man beside her, who regarded Jake with a lack of enthusiasm. Jake blinked hard.

“G-Gabe Frohman? The Wrestling King of Chicago?”

Gabe Frohman gave a half-smile.

“The same.”

“W-what’s going on?” Jake stammered, looking to Angelina.

“Gabe’s put together the new and improved Melee, Jake. We’re about to screen the premiere before it goes to air on Netflix. You can join us, after you clean up.”

“New and improved?”

“My boy, the product your company has been churning out is sadly not up to the standards Ms. Altamonte demands. So she has hired me to put together the product she does want.”

“It’s Cuppola’s fault.” She added, smirking with a wink at Jake. It made his stomach churn.

“You know you got him arrested, right?” Jake blasted at her. She feigned offense.

“No?! Oh dear. Whatever will we do?” She returned to smirking. “It’s all thanks to you that we got that flea out of our hair, Jake. I can't take all the credit. You led him right into our trap. His little attempt at taking this company over is squashed. The people helping him have scattered to the four winds of who gives a shit. Now we can focus on putting out product to rival the other wrestling companies.”

“I—,” Jake struggled, “I didn’t know you were going to get him actually arrested. You need to fix that. They’re going to lock him up for years with that planted evidence. He'll die in prison!”

“That’s the point, Jake. And, again, I couldn’t have done it without you.” She raised a champagne glass and tipped it graciously at him before taking a sip.

Jake’s heart sunk. Angelina patted the seat beside her.

“Now come on. Get out of those dirty clothes and come and enjoy the show Gabe’s put together.”

“Yes,” Gabe added proudly, “behold Fight 2 Win as Angelina Altamonte intended.”

Jake frowned, standing there as Gabe lifted a remote control and aimed it at the projector. And began the show.

An overhead shot of a massive stadium full of roaring fans! A light show spans the crowd as the cameras get close-ups of some signs fans are holding.








And the camera swoops overhead as the roaring generically awesome wrestling music pounds through the speakers before setting on the announce desk where Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, and Ryan Reynolds sit!

DWAYNE JOHNSON: Hello Fight 2 Win fans, I am Nate Hollis!

RYAN REYNOLDS: And this sexy beast right here is BRAD STOKES, BITCHES!

The crowd explodes at the sight of the two movie stars, and we’re treated to our first standing ovation of the night.


And pause. Jake is wearing a bathrobe, sitting on the couch forcing the playback to be paused.


Angelina and Gabe nod in unison with wide smiles.

“We spared no expense.” Gabe smiled.

“What happened to the real Nate Hollis and Brad Stokes.”

Gabe shook his head.

“They’re trapped inside that bomb shelter.” Angelina pointed out. “It would have cost too much to get them out, so we hired some even better replacements.”

Jake frowned as the logic leaped inside his head.

“Doesn’t it cost a fortune just to get Ryan Reynolds and Dwayne Johnson to appear at an event?”

Angelina and Gabe nod in unison with wide smiles.

“We spared no expense.” Gabe smiled.

“This is insane.” Jake found himself standing up, readying a barrage of words. “Wouldn’t it cost more to book named stars then to just keep things as they were?!”

Angelina and Gabe looked seriously at one another, before Angelina leaned forward and eyed Jake.

“Jake, listen. The fed as it was was a joke. Those commentators were a mess. The talent, travelling to different venues may have offered something different, but the reality is: market research and focus testing invariably tells us that people don’t want different. They don’t want novelty. They want excellence when it comes to all the things they’re familiar with. Anything else is scary to the mindless drones who consume this type of product. I’ve never wanted to run a joke fed, Jake. My father designed Fight 2 Win to be the best professional wrestling fed in the business, and instead, due to the circumstances, I’ve been forced to make due with… well, pure shit. I have the backing now. I have the resources, and the connections to finally make the wrestling federation of my dreams, the dreams of my father and then some. I’m not about to waste any more time on bullshit.”

Jake frowned as he watched her speak. Angelina leveled with him,

“Why settle for washed-up has-beens and never-was’, when you can hire premiere talent to run those popular storylines for them?”

“What are you saying?” Jake asked, his entire world shaken to its core.

“I’m saying: sit back, and relax. This show is the beginning of a new start for Fight 2 Win. And you get to be in on the ground floor. Now stop interrupting.”

She grabbed the remote and happily resumed playback.

The standing Ovation continues at the desk. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Ryan “Deadpool and Waiting” Reynolds shake the hands of nearby fans before returning to the broadcast announcer’s table.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Thank you! Thank you folks! As I said, I am Nate Hollis and with me is my stalwart companion--

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): Don’t you say it.


The crowd pops.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): That’s the single biggest crowd pop that name has gotten in years. And don’t you forget it.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Never. Tonight, folks, as you’re joining us for tonight’s episode of Fight 2 Win’s Melee, we hope you’re buckled in for an evening of wrestling-packed action guaranteed to ignite your imagination and electrify your senses.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): We’re not giving you any of that pussy generic wrestling bullshit the other guys shit onto your television screens and expect you to lap up.


RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): It’s true. Cutthroat wrestling at it’s finest, Nate. Here we’re not just people pretending to be other people. We are the REAL DEAL, BABY!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): True enough. Tonight we have an array of electrifying matches culminating in what promises to be an epic triple threat match for the Melee Championship between the challengers, Brennan Devlin, The Blackstar and the undefeated champion Natalie King.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): It’s a huge way to end the night to look forward to. Like icing on a cake made of money shots. But first.

Vaughnemous Domination blasts onto the speakers and the crowd is on its feet to see the 5’9 Angelica Vaughn striding out to the top of the ramp. Well, it’s actually not Angelica Vaughn. It’s U.K. Defiant, PROGRESS and CHIKARA wrestling indie darling Millie McKenzie standing at the top of the ramp raising her arms.

“Hold it.” Jake stands once more, putting the playback on pause. Both Gabe Frohman and Angelina Altamonte wearily glance at him. “This is a joke, right?”

They look at him stone-faced.

“That’s not Angelica Vaughn!” Jake exclaims.

“And the guy playing Zack Fantana isn’t Zack Fantana, either. I don't see a problem,” Gabe shrugs.

Jake is incredulous.

“Why the hell not? Those two are superstars!”

“Not according to focus testing and market research,” Angelina intones coldly.

“According to the data, fans enjoy the idea of Zack Fantana and Angelica Vaughn more than they like the actual people.” Gabe added.

“So you just replaced them?!” Jake was at the point of hoarse shouting.

“We’re calling it ‘recast’. These people playing them are far more talented. And money draws in their own right.” Gabe Frohman added.

“But what did you do with the real fighters for Fight 2 Win?"

Jake was met with blank stares.

"You fired them?” He angrily growled missing the half-cocked whimsy of a Francis diatribe right about now.

“Not really.” Angelina sipped from her champagne. Jake looked from her to Gabe in confusion.

“We decided it’d be best to have them on standby, wrestling their little matches in their little venues just in case we do need to call them back up in the event of an injury.”

“They’re still employed?!” Jake was ready to tear his hair out.

“And happily fighting their regularly scheduled matches.” Angelina swirled the champagne inside of her glass, growing bored of Jake’s incredulity and dismay.

“We got in touch with this,” he read off a nearby sheet of paper, “Larry and David. We see a lot of potential in this new promo-cutting technology they've developed, and we’ve already reached out to them about simulating entire matches using the motion capture of the old guard of Fight 2 Win.”

“Does the roster know you’re doing this?” Jake looked ready to storm out. Angelina leaned forward, eyeing him icily.

“You don’t tell the monkeys what the experiment is until after it’s finished and you don’t need them anymore, Jake.” She took another sip, silently commanding him with her glare.

“Now please sit down and stop interrupting the playback. You’re being allowed in at the ground floor of a new era for not just Fight 2 Win, but also the wrestling industry as a whole. Don’t make me regret it, Jake.” She grabbed the remote and resumed playback.

Angelica Vaughn is in the ring, standing and watching the lights begin to dim and pulse at the top of the ramp as “Lucid Dreams” (the Album Version, not any other version) by Franz Ferdinand kicks in and the crowd pops as the highly decorated star of many past promotions struts to the top of the ramp. Zack Fantana, as played by Joey Janela, surveys the crowd through his super cool wrap-around 80’s shades before making his way down the ramp towards the crowd, even stopping near ringside to pretend to give one of the fans his shades but then thinks better of it and continues his way up the ring.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Consummate performers in these two. What a way to start the night.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): And that Angelica Vaughn is one nice piece of ASS.


RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): It’s what wrestling’s all about, Nate. If I can’t potentially have sex with them, why we even talking, ya know?

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): I’m sure there’s more to it than that.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): Leave me to my shallow existence, and I’ll leave you to yours, big man.

Inside the ring, standing in the center, Angelica and Zack eye one another down.


The two of them begin to circle one another before Angelica raises an arm, challenging Zack to a test of strength. When Zack reaches in to meet her, she pulls her hand away to a mild chorus of cheers from the crowd.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): Nicely done there. The old ‘pretend to shake my hand and instead swipe it through my hair making you look foolish', gag. Love that gag. It's among my favorite gag reflexes.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): It’s called a test of strength, Brad.

The two circle once more, again with Angelica Vaughn offering a test of might with Zack, and this time their fingers tie up and Angelica manages to twist Zack’s arms around uncomfortably and surprisingly brings him to his knees and then slams the sole of her boot down into his chest! And another kick and another before Zack is downed to the canvas. Angelica leaps up for a leg drop only for Zack to quickly roll out of the way! And the crowd cheers as Zack rises to a knee to stare down Angelica Vaughn.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): This match is huge. These two are fan favorite icons, boasting industry-wide popularity.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): Funny they each don’t look like their roster photo.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): [Uncomfortable Laughter] Please don’t break the fourth wall, BRAD.

Angelica and Zack meet up once more, this time with Zack crashing Angelica down to the canvas with a headscissor takedown! He follows it up with a jumping body splash and hooks the leg for a cover!



Kickout for Angelica Vaughn

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): It’ll take more than that to put Angelica Vaughn  down!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): That’s the equivalent of canned laughter, ‘Nate’. Don’t pander. No one likes a panderer. Especially Giant Panders.


RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): Don't correct my speech in front of my fans.

Zack raises Angelica up to her feet and gets hit square with a jumping knee right to the chin and Angelica capitalizes with a headlock takedown she transitions into a crossface! Zack squirms and rolls, managed to free himself from her grip before she can lock it in tight. And once more the two of them rise to their feet to stare one another down as the crowd cheers and applauds their efforts.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Literally giving the fans one hell of a show right now, brother!

Angelica and Zack meet up once more, this time Zack swinging Angelica into the ropes and on the rebound he leap frogs her. On the return he aims a leaping side kick that she ducks and swings a back kick that connects and knocks Zack off his feet. She drops an elbow down into his chest and makes the cover!



: A kickout after that ridiculous attempt at a pin.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS):  The Vaughnemous One is never short on effort or heart. And these fans never refrain from letting her know!

The crowd is still on its feet, watching as Angelica Vaughn drags Zack Fantana to his feet, and Zack swings an elbow into Vaughn’s side, knocking her off balance then he swings up a merciless pele kick, is up on his feet and slams down a standing moonsault that pops the crowd!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Fantana with the cover!




: No! So close!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): It could have been closer.

Zack grips Vaughn back up to her feet and Irish whips her towards the corner only for Vaughn to step her way up the ropes and find herself at the top and stuns the crowd, and Zack, as she leaps off and hits him with a leaping thrust kick that blasts Zack backward into the opposite corner!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Stunning kick right there!

And Vaughn is on a roll with the crowd behind her. Vaughn lays into Fantana with an array of kicks to the midsection and chest that has Zack slumping in the corner! And Angelina rushes to get some distance between herself and Zack and then rushes for a bronco buster that Zack gets out of the way of at the last second!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): And the crowd goes wild for that home run!

Zack stumbles to his feet as Angelica Vaughn is stuck in the corner! Zack takes a moment to catch his wind before heaving Vaughn up and SLAMMING her down with a double knee facebreaker and the crowd EXPLODES as Zack rolls her over for the pin!





: She kicked out!!!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t just seen it, but I did just see it, and I’m STILL having trouble believing it!

Zack can’t believe it either! He’s stunned, watching as Vaughn struggles to get to her knees. He moves over to her to grip her up to her feet only to be caught by Vaughn’s mandible claw!!! The crowd erupts as Vaughn has Zack caught off guard as Vaughn forces Zack down to the canvas!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): THIS could be it! Zack has nowhere to go!

In moments Vaughn’s mandible claw has nearly subdued Zack! The ref checks Zack! Lifts Zack’s arm and it drops!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): It’s not looking good for Zack Fantana!

The ref lifts Zack arm once more and once more it drops and the crowd is in a glass case of emotion as the ref raises Zack’s arm once more only this time the arm doesn’t drop!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Zack’s not done!!!!

Angelica Vaughn is shocked! Maintaining the mandible claw as Zack’s arm shakes with a sudden surge of power!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): This is just like every match containing Hulk Hogan ever before he got caught having sex!

Zack’s arm is shaking as Zack is Zacking up, his entire body surging with the power of all the Fantanamaniacs in the crowd! Zack starts to rise up to his feet still  shaking and being awesome. Zack shoots off blow after blow forcing Vaughn to release her what-should-have-been finishing mandible claw and suddenly the two are trading powerful, ring-shaking blows to the crowd’s delight!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): This is the most unrealistic fight ever put to tape.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): The fans are ecstatic!! Electrified!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): Just not literally.

Angelica Vaughn and Zack Fantana are going insane with amazing fighting fists of fury, trading blow for blow before both simultaneously rebound off the ropes and meet in the middle with a big boot to each other’s faces! Knocking each other down into a stupor!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): They both look like they’re out cold!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): That looked pre-planned.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Wrestling’s not like that, Brad.


The referee stands over Vaughn and Fantana who are both seemingly knocked out cold! The ref begins the count.


: I hope Fantana does the Hulkster surge again.



DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): The fans are behind both of these two 110%!




: Neither competitor is moving!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): This could be it! He said, feigning surprise. Look at these fans eating this farce up.



The referee checkes them both and neither is even conscious!!




The crowd is on its feet in an undecided wave of calamity!

The referee consults with the ring announcer as they slowly bring Vaughn and Fantana around. The Ring Announcer is being played by Michael Bolton for some reason. He stands there with his crazy blonde mullet.

MICHAEL BOLTON: As the result of a double countout, and both competitors being unable to continue… it has been decided by unanimous decision by the highly impartial judges that the winner of this contest…. IS THE FANS!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): The fans win it! The fans win!!!

The fans go nuts.


DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): What a hard earned victory there for the fans! This one was touch and go from the very beginning!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): The fans haven’t even been cleared for active competition!

The crowd is cheering as Michael Bolton continues.

MICHAEL BOLTON: And if each of the fans looks under their chairs…

The fans do…


Another standing ovation.


RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): And you get a prize! And you get a prize! EVERYBODY GETS A PRIZE!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS):This show has something for everyone!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): It's almost like they planned that to make the show appeal across all demographics!

The arena is an auditory example of pandemonium!

Jake grips the bridge of his nose, once more standing in front of the paused playback screen with Angelina and Gabe Frohman looking at him with annoyed expectation.

“Were you intending on interrupting every match?” Gabe Frohman asks snottily.

“What the heck is going on?! Why did that happen?! You guys are bastardizing these matches!”

“Look,” Angelina said crossly, “focus testing dictated that the popularity of those two is too great to give either of them a loss to one another.”

“So you’re deciding the winners ahead of time?!” Jake asked on his last nerve.

They stared at him blankly.

“Well, how else would we do it?”

Jake blinked in shock.

“I don’t know. Do it how the REAL Fight 2 Win decides wins?! By merit and hard work, with the fighters either winning or losing on their own without you people DECIDING it?!”

Angelina and Gabe blinked at him.

“Yeah. See. The problem with that is I’m good friends with both Millie McKenzie and Joey Janela. I couldn't just LET my friends lose. That's not how this works. We tried to find someone we didn’t like to soak up the loss, but…”

Jake stood there blinking in the mid of what could have been a brain hemmorhage.

“You’re being far too judgemental before you see the entire show, Jake.”

“I don’t need to see the entire show.”

“Don’t you want to see how it ends?” She teased with a wink.

Jake glared. Angelina patted the seat beside her.

“Don’t judge till you’ve seen the whole thing. It’s not that bad, just a little adjustment period and you’ll be back on-board this train. I know this is a challenging experience for you. You were growing attached to that pitiful old man and his gang of cronies, and I’m afraid I’m to blame for it. Think of this as a chance for all of us to start over. Fresh.”

Jake looked mildly assured. Slowly, heaving out heavy sighs, he sat down beside her. She resumed playback.

All four competitors are already in the ring staring at each other. The begin to circle around each other.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Welcome back, Fight 2 Win fans! As we’re set to bear witness to the debut of Reno Nevada and Sybyl in this fatal fourway matchup with Alfie Tenner and Shane Clemmens!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): This match needs more cowbell.




The most inexperienced, Reno Nevada (Chris Ridgeway) finds himself in the middle of the ring. The other three pounce on him. Shane Clemmens, (Colt Cabana) hits him with two elbows until he drops and the three of them stomp him into the mat. He rolls out of the ring and the remaining competitors square each other up.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Reno Nevada has a strong bare-knuckle boxing background, but that’s not exactly great preparation for the world of professional wrestling.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): Didn’t Fight 2 Win used to be a little less… um…



DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): What are you trying to say, Brad?

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): Nothing. Just that if they’d kept with the original format Reno Nevada would have been right at home.


RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): You know it’s true.

Alfie Tenner (Shlak), steps back as Sybyl (Jimmy Havoc), stands tall in front of Shane Clemmens. Sybyl spreads his arms open and dares Clemmens to strike. He doesn’t expect the clubbing blow by Alfie Tenner from behind which sends him right into a lariat by Clemmens. Shane keeps moving forward after dropping Sybyl and tries to go for a lariat on Tenner, but Alfie ducks and delivers a right and a left to Clemmens before reaching back and smashing Shane with a lariat of his own.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Alfie Tenner is clearing house right now!

He plays to the crowd in the middle of the ring until he is hit hard by a running missile dropkick by Reno Nevada.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): Give it time. You speak too soon every time. Is that in the script?

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Stop breaking the fourth wall, man.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): How much they paying you, Rock?

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): I don’t know what you’re talking about. Who's this 'Rock' character?

As Ryan Reynolds rolls his eyes, Reno takes stock of everyone else on the ground and decides to play to the audience as well. The other three rise to their knees and he goes from body to body delivering kicks to each person and ends the barrage with a kick to the head. He looks around as the fans cheer and pins Sybyl.


Sybyl gets a shoulder up. Reno covers Shane Clemmens and hooks a leg.


Clemmens breaks the pin as well. Reno covers Alfie and hooks both legs .


: He went for all three there!

Sybyl kicks Reno in the head to break the pin. He then hops up and stomps on Reno’s back, then on Tenner’s chest. Shane Clemmens tries to hit him with a rolling elbow but Sybyl hooks it with his own, ducks under, and hits a discus elbow of his own. He tries a pin but Shane is too close to the ropes and he easily reaches up to stop the win.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): These competitors are still in the feeling out process.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): That sounds like it would make good commentary in a video game.


RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): That is not the fourth wall.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Well it’s at the perimeter.

Aflie Tenner and Reno Nevada fight on the other side of the ring. Alfie has his guard up and tries to stop the quick striking offense of Reno Nevada. Finally he resorts to rushing Nevada and putting both arms around him. He lands a belly to belly. Reno reels from the pain and Tenner capitalizes on it by kicking him on the back. He sets Nevada up in the corner and works him over with some punches to the midsection and side of the head. He steps back to deliver a kick but is knocked down by the feet of Sybyl who is the victim of Shane Clemmens’ Airplane Spin. Shane sets him down and tries to maneuver the ring. He pinpoints where Sybyl is after some fan directions and then hits him with a Bionic Elbow. He pins.



: A close call there for Sybyl!

But Sybyl kicks out. Shane spots Reno Nevada slumps over in the corner with his hand over his mouth. Clemmens takes his chance and tries to hit a rolling senton on him but Reno moves out of the way at the last second and he crashes against the bottom and middle turnbuckles. Reno enters the ring but is stomped on once again by Sybyl. Reno gets on all fours and Sybyl uses the bottom rope to jump up and stomp his head into the mat. He goes out to get something under the ring and takes out an autographed picture of himself!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): I love it. Take a picture, Sybyl… RIGHT TO HIS SKULL! Ahaha.

He comes back in and holds Reno in a fujiwara armbar with a little pressure. Then he positions the 8 x 10 in between Reno’s fingers and slides it back on the skin. He does it between each finger and the audience cringes for each of the 10 inches he does it in.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Sybyl is viciously papercutting Reno Nevada!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): And that’s not just any papercut! That’s photo paper! Much worse.

Reno gets his arm back and squirms on the ground from the pain. Sybyl bounces off the ropes to finish him off, but Tenner grabs him by the neck and falls to the floor with the hold still applied giving Sybyl some nasty whiplash. He enters the ring to capitalize on the momentum but Shane Clemmens grabs him and hits three snap suplexes in a row.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): The crowd loved that.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): The crowd loves everything. It’s like someone’s paying them to.

Clemmens throws Alfie into the corner then Sybyl to the same corner. Finally he grabs Reno up and throws him to that same corner, staking his three opponents. He runs to the opposite corner and back to hit Reno with a Flying Asshole. He runs back as Reno falls and hits Sybyl with the Flying Asshole. Finally he goes to hit Alfie Tenner with one but Alfie grabs him and throws him off!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): A stunning reversal there by Alfie Tenner!

Alfie then headbutts Shane for the Gypsy Kiss. As Clemmens is dazed Alfie clutches in a full nelson and drops him with the full nelson slam.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Alfie Tenner is making a HUGE impact here tonight!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): Where’s his sister? Did they not cast her?


RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): Have you not seen any of my movies???

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): No, sorry. I was too busy making my own.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): Touche. But nice breakage of the fourth wall there, champ.


Sybyl runs up but Reno Nevada blindsides him with a knee to the head. Reno chops him and Alfie comes up and chops him as well. They chop him right to the corner. Alfie tells Reno to stand right in the middle of the ring. He runs at Sybyl and smashes into him with a lariat. Then he grabs an arm and whips him to Reno who strikes him with a Kneesy Does It.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Nice teamwork in a match that probably ought not to have much team work in it!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): They’re reaching the 5 to 14 demographic.

Alfie Tenner points at Clemmens and goes for a handshake. When Reno grabs his hand he pulls Reno in for another Gypsy Kiss. He scoops Reno up to his an Imploder. Reno squirms out of the ring so Alfie grabs Shane Clemmens and hits him with a quick headbutt then a Facebuster. He them sets him up with a look at the other competitors then lifts him high and drops Clemmens to hit a Jackknife Powerbomb.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Alfie Tenner with the pin!



Sybyl enters the ring but not soon enough!



Sybyl is to late to break the pin and Alfie Tenner wins!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Alfie Tenner has done it! Alfie Tenner has won this match!

As Alfie’s music rocks through the speakers and the crowd is on its feet roaring, Michael Bolton enters the ring!

MICHAEL BOLTON: And here is your winner…. ALFIE…. TENNER!

Alfie lifts his arms and parades around the ring!

MICHAEL BOLTON: And if everyone will look under their seat…



The crowd roars!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): What an unbelievable night for the fans!

Fade in to the view of Salvatore’s Casino in the heart of the Las Vegas Strip. A Cathedral inspired design with flashing lights covering just about every inch of the exterior. Two large parking lots flank the Casino; one on either side. Each is jammed packed with vehicles of all makes and models.

Inside, all the blackjack tables and craps tables are accounted for. There is only but a rare machine without a patron. The hardwood floor is jammed with men and women seeking to either forget the troubles of their reality or to simply feed an alcohol or gambling addiction; or perhaps both.

A man in a white suit is met by two taller, muscular men. These men are also in suits, each with a black tie and the Salvatore Casino Security emblem sewn onto the breast pocket. They have Bluetooth speaking in their right ear. As the lone man approaches them, they simply nod. They know exactly who he is, and what his business is. No words are spoken, as they aren't necessary at this juncture. They lead the man down through the main lobby and past the Cashier’s counter. Down a long hallway and to an elevator which stands alone at the end. They guide the man into the elevator and press the very bottom button of the panel. They make sure to stand in front of the elevator doors upon entering, ensuring the other man is behind them.

Once the elevator opens, they guide the man through another hallway, this one having just one door on the end. He audibly clears his gulps, feeling a bit nervous by this all. Of course, he also knows that is the point. He is supposed to be intimidated by all of this. He is stories from the main floor of the Casino now.

As they reach the door on the end, the two guards turn so that they are on either sides of the door. The guard on the right knocks three times and pauses. A male voice from inside instructs them to “Enter”. They open the door and guide the man in the white suit into the room.

He looks around, and his nerves must be going haywire. It is a small, desolate room. The walls are all cement. Some chips exist within them. As he looks to the right, he sees a wall with a blood splatter. A man tied to a wooden chair with a head slung over. Angelo Salvatore stands before him, seen placing something inside his suit jacket as he turns to face his company. He looks over his shoulder briefly at two more Security Guards.

“Clean that up.” He instructs. His authority is very clear by his tone of voice. He leads his new arrival to a small metallic table with two chairs; one on either side. As Salvatore sits, he motions for his guest to as well. The man in the white suit seems hesitant. The two Security Guards before him push him down into the seat. Salvatore pulls a bottle of Bourbon from a nearby cabinet attached to the cement wall. Pouring two glasses, and sliding over one to his guest. He then glances over to the Security Guards behind the man.

“That's good, Gentlemen. You are excused.”

They promptly exit, shutting the door behind them, as Salvatore sips on his bourbon. He looks across the table at the nervous wreck that stands before him, his intimidation tactics seemed to have been executed flawlessly. Finally, the man in white reaches over for his glass. He nervously holds it, and you can see the slightest shake in his hands.

“So…” He begins, slowly trailing off. He's almost afraid to finish his thought. “Who was the guy in the chair?” He sips on his bourbon as he points to the still, very prominent, blood splatter on the adjacent cement wall. Salvatore doesn't initially respond, opting to have another drink first, instead. He then looks his guest in the eyes, his blue piercing eyes saying all that needed to be said.

“That's not important.”

He nods at Salvatore’s answer. Truth is, it was probably best that way. He knew Salvatore had some skeletons, and he knew that he had some connections, but he didn't know where they lied. He didn't fully know what Salvatore’s end game was. He did know one thing, though. Salvatore would interrupt this train of thought, however.

“I know why you are here.”

It was a simple statement. It was calmly said. However, it seemed critical; important. The man in white didn't seem that surprised, but still felt a great deal of anxiety.

“Oh, you do?”

Salvatore nodded. At this juncture, his glass of bourbon was nearly empty. He raised it up to his lips once more, emptying its contents. He savored every drop, just as he had with this passive display of intimidation. He stared at the glass for a few moments before setting it back down onto the table, and looking back to his guest.

“Fight 2 Win.”

Again, he said it so simply, so matter-of-factly. Yet, the simple declaration carried so much weight. The man in white didn't have anything to say in response. This, of course, made Salvatore grin.

“Such a great concept, isn't it? Fighters from across the globe. A true “anybody can win” atmosphere, isn't it? Such potential...yet…”

His voice trails off. He wrinkles his nose as he continues to stare at the nervous man before him.

“Such deceit. Such corruption. Such utter disdain for all that is good and right.”

Suddenly the man in white saw his chance. A glimmer of hope. He was starting to think that perhaps he was destined to end up like the man in the chair, before him. He didn't say a word, as he slid a manila envelope across the table. Salvatore didn't even look down. He knew exactly what was inside. He nodded.

“Like I said, I know exactly what you are doing here.” He picked up the envelope, tucking it inside his jacket.

“The real question is, why are you doing it? Why do you want to involve yourself in this?”

With beads of sweat gliding down both sides of his face, the man in white leaned forward.

“Simply put, Mr. Salvatore, we need all the help we can get. Reputations be damned.”

Salvatore nodded. There seemed to be a lot of unspoken agreements in place, during this meeting. Salvatore poured himself another drink.

“Well then, I can only hope that you and your...cohorts...are ready for the storm that is coming.”

The man in white sullenly nodded. It was crystal clear that he feared the man before him, although he wouldn't exactly elude to why. That didn't exactly matter. He needed Salvatore. Salvatore knew it. For now, he had all the cards.

“We are, Mr. Salvatore. We are. We don't have a choice in the matter. Are hand has been forced, much like yours will be, in due time. We can only hope to weather the storm, and survive.”

Angelo didn't seem to care much for that response.

“You want me to do this, but are not ready for the consequences. Is that what I am hearing? I am going to make myself very clear. If I do this, there will be no interference. I will not be compromised. My family will not be compromised. You, or anybody else, will not be in the way. A man lost his life in this very room minutes ago because he got in the way. Capiche?”

No reply. Luckily, that was the right answer in this case.

“That's what I like to hear. Obedience. Less is more. Always remember that. You are wrong, however, if you think the coming storm can be weathered. You aren't equipped to fight it but rather, you need to run. You need to seek higher ground.

A knock on the door.

“Ah, gentlemen, come in, come in.”

The same two Security Guards as before enter.

“Please help our guest. He was just leaving.”

Salvatore adjusts his collar, and stands.

“I'm glad we understand each other. It will be a pleasure, I'm sure. As long as you remember.

The storm is coming.”

With that, Angelo Salvatore exits. Leaving the Security detail to escort the man in white back to the main lobby of Salvatore’s Casino.


RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): Not sure where we went since this is typically commercial-free programming.

BLACKOUT. The arena is enshrouded in total darkness.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): And now the lights have gone out. This is never good.

A low hum of double bass strings and organs builds below. MUSIC QUEUE: A lone trumpet rises up, quiet at first, playing the building intro of Strauss’ Also Sprach Zarathustra, ascending to the first FANFARE.

A single SPOTLIGHT, purple and vivid, slices through the darkness. It ILLUMINATES the BLACKSTAR as he RISES from beneath the floor at the top of the ramp in a cloud of mist.


The timpani thunders back and forth and then rolls, giving way for the trumpet’s return, this time with even more GUSTO. The SUPREME LEADER takes two steps forward and stops. Quickly, his arms cross over his chest. His hands clutch ORBS of COSMIC ENERGY, invisible to the eye of mere mortals. His majesty is BREATHTAKING.


The second FANFARE rises and EXPLODES. ANGELIC voices join the orchestra, until the BOMBASTIC timpani HAMMERS with alternating strikes. The BLACKSTAR marches emphatically toward the ring.

The third section, even LOUDER than the second, is timed with star-shaped lights spinning around and over the audience. He interacts with the crowd. Some give him the SUPREME salute, which he returns, shouting SUPREME along with them. Still, some boo him, denouncing Scientology. He threatens to #DISCONNECT them while giving a quick throat-slit gesture.

The THIRD and FINALE FANFARE builds and then EXPLODES with a tidal wave of brass, woodwind, string instruments, and a chorus of celestials. Nearing ringside, he takes three quick steps and slides head first under the bottom rope, then pops up to his feet. He runs to a corner and leaps straight to the middle turnbuckle. Standing over the audience, he looks down upon the mob. The orchestra gives the FINAL THREE NOTES and he once again delivers his TAUNT of SUPREMACY, yelling “SUPREME” over the symphony orchestra’s final note before it's released and the music fades to silence. And then a torrent of streamers is shout out from the crowd onto the ring, and The Blackstar! Black, white and purple streamers drape over his arms, down past his face, and all around creating an almost mummified personage! And then Blackstar turns back to his corner, still covered in streamers.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): That’s a lot of streamers.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): I’m telling you, this event has something for everyone. Even fans of Japanese wrestling.

“Flesh and Bone” by Burning Brides cuts through the final strains of Blackstar’s entrance and the crowd pops as Brennan Devlin strides out from the entranceway looking as cocky as always!

MICHAEL BOLTON: And introducing next… the true FACE of Wrestling… BRENNAN…. DEVVVVVVLIIIIIIIN!

The crowd boos, those who remember him from days past in Atlantic City, or with 4CW and either boo or cheer, creating a tidal wave of indistinguishable noise. And then the crowd shoots Orange and white streamers at Devlin as he makes his way down to the ring. He’s walking down the ramp, cockily outstretching his arms covered in streamers. The entire ramp is covered in streamers as Devlin makes his way to ringside, doing a cocky strut around the ring, eyeing in at Blackstar before climbing the stairs and entering the ring. Devlin comes to center ring and stands there with a big cocky grin as people shoot streamers into the ring! Engulfing Devlin in streamers! And then he moves to his corner turnbuckle.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES):  I think I got hit by some of those streamers.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): There’s a lot of them.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): What would a main event be without instigating a minor environmental crisis?

"I Like The Nightlife Baby"  by The Suicide File hits and the crowd erupts in a chorus of cheers as Natalie King strides out to the top of the ramp and immediately raises the Melee Championship overhead to a massive wall of approval from the crowd!

MICHAEL BOLTON: And making her way to the ring… the MELEE CHAMPION… NATALIE…. KING!!!!

And they shoot streamers!!!

Natalie King makes her way down the ramp, stepping over the swath of streamers covering the ramp. She claps hands of those in the crowd and then makes her way up the steps, stopping along the ring apron to once more showcase her hard-earned Melee Championship!

And they shoot more streamers!!!


Natalie King struggles to move with all the streamers covering her, everything is covered in streamers!

Inside the ring Natalie King soaks up the applause as they shoot more streamers!!! And then she makes it her corner to stare down her opponents as ring assistants come down to clean up all the streamers.

20 minutes later.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): All I’m saying is Rampage is only loosely based off the source mater—HEY we’re back!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): Totally not talking about anything other than how AWESOME Fight 2 Win is.

All the streamers are gone now, the ring assistants have 42 large garbage pails they’re carting away from ringside by forklift. And the crowd has lost just an ounce of its energy as Natalie King, The Blackstar and Brennan Devlin stare one another down. They move to the center of the ring, watching as the official holds up the Melee Championship to show everyone what they’re competing for before lowering it to another ring assistant.


Blackstar slams a side fist into Devlin, knocking him immediately off balance once the bell rings, and then shoots off a stunning side thrust kick that topples Devlin to the canvas, then Blackstar immediately turns his focus to Natalie King who kicks the Supreme One in the midsection and drops him with a pedigree that gives the crowd a huge pop! Natalie King goes for a quick cover!


A kickout! Brennan Devlin is up and he rushes Natalie King but she’s able to use his momentum against him and swing him into a spinning powerslam pinning combination.


Another kickout!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Frenzied pace so far.

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): This is for the Melee Championship. You’re damn right these people will be fighting for their right to claim that digitized, processed image as their own!



Natalie King is up and ready to confront the Blackstar only to be surprised with a sudden and surprising tornado DDT that flattens the champ and wows the crowd! And Blackstar isn’t done there! He’s up to his feet and instantly running up the ropes, readying for a stunning moonsault but Devlin gets in the way and surprises Blackstar with a quick catch double knee backbreaker that halts Blackstar’s progress and stuns the crowd!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Devlin is ever the opportunist! Each of these competitors is looking for the slightest hint of weakness--

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): You used that one already.

Seeing Nat down Devlin drops an elbow, then slams a standing moonsault down onto the champ and goes for a cover!



A kickout from Natalie King! Blackstar is on his feet delivering a huge clothesline to Devlin! And Blackstar retaliates from Devlin’s earlier interruption by slamming repeated stomps down into Devlin before Natalie King powers up with a vicious uppercut that knocks Blackstar backward, then Natalie King downs Blackstar with a flying bulldog and she hooks the leg for a quick cover.



Devlin is up and meeting a charging Natalie King head on. He greets her with an irish whip into the corner she flips up and over the turnbuckle for and he surprises her with a running boot that topples Natalie King off the apron to the outside!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Nasty spill there for Natalie King. They rubbed the champion right off this one for the time being.

Devlin turns in time to be greeted with an impressive head scissor takedown from the Blackstar who is up and back down with jumping knee drop that rattles the ring and ‘ooo’s the crowd! And then like a bolt of lightning Blackstar runs up the ropes and topes out of the ring onto Natalie King who was just rising to her feet and the two crash into the guardrail!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): NICE! Love to see that acrobatic flippy shit!

The ref looks on as both Nat and Blackstar are down and out on the outside, with Brennan Devlin slowly climbing back to his feet and joins them outside. He stomps on one, then the other, and exchanges vicious stomps before lifting Blackstar up to a stand and rushing him at the ringpost for a collision!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): And once more Devlin is there to break up the momentum.

Devlin smashes Blackstar’s face off the ring post repeatedly before he tosses him angrily at the announce table where Blackstar’s back braces up against it. Devlin threatens Blackstar with a chair which the referee warns him against! Devlin keeps threatening before turning his threats at the ref! Natalie King charges at him only for Devlin to throw the chair up between them and manages a dropkick right on the face of the chair and Natalie King’s head that drops the champ!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Impressive maneuver there by Brennan Devlin!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): That actually was pretty impressive!

The ref thinks that was legal! And Devlin kicks and stomps Blackstar some more before rolling the champion into the ring and climbing up the apron, then up to the top rope where Devlin scouts a high flying move!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Brennan Devlin isn’t ordinarily a high-flyer folks!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES):  It’s almost like they hired an actor to play him!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): You’ve used that one before! That’s enough fourth wall breaking out of you! We’re going to have a new champion!

And then Devlin springs into an amazing looking shooting star press, with two rotations only to come down on Natalie King’s upturned knees right into Devlin’s midsection! And the crowd pops as Natalie King is clearly not finished.

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Devlin wasn’t expecting Natalie King to still have some gas left in the tank!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): A knee to his ribs at that angle, from that height… poor guy’s gonna be limping for weeks!

After moments of gathering her bearings, Natalie King hoists Devlin to his feet and SLAMS Devlin down with a snap piledriver and makes the cover with Blackstar slowly rising to his feet on the outside.



Blackstar is sliding into the ring to break up the pin!



DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS): Blackstar tried to get there in time to break up the pin but he didn’t make it!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): Real nail-biter there.

Natalie King’s music hits and she is awarded the Melee Championship!

MICHAEL BOLTON: Here is your winner… and STILL Melee Champion… NATALIE…. KING!

Natalie King celebrates her huge victory as her music hits!

RYAN REYNOLDS (BRAD STOKES): That is absolutely unprecedented! Natalie King retains after 5 defenses!

DWAYNE JOHNSON (NATE HOLLIS):She’s definitely one of the best out there right now!

Still in the ring,

MICHAEL BOLTON: Ladies and gentleman, if you’ll please look under your seats--

Pause. Jake sits stunned, staring at the screen. Both Angelina and Gabe clink their champagne glasses together triumphantly before glancing at Jake.

“Now that, young man, is how a REAL wrestling show goes.” Gabe smirks, giving Angelina’s champagne glass another gentle TINK.

“Jake?” Angelina asked, almost sounding genuinely concerned. Jake sat there like a sullen lump watching the still-frame paused image on the big screen plasma television.

“You really did it, didn’t you?” He asked finally, silently and forlorn.

“Did what? Another triumph? I should say Angelina Altamonte getting her way is going to set this once sinking ship back out to see, and heading for treasure isles.” Gabe clinked glasses once more with a proud Angelina.

Slowly, Jake turned to glare at them.

“What happens when the actual fighters find out what you’ve done?”

It hadn’t occurred to Angelina or Gabe. They look at him with raised eyebrows each.

“What do you mean, ‘what happens’? What are they going to do? They’re under contract?” Angelina snickered.

Jake looked downcast at the floor, thinking.

“Jake, you don’t get to spend all that time infiltrating Francis Ford Cuppola’s little group hellbent on destroying my vision all in the name of destroying them from within then suddenly find yourself a high horse to sit on once it’s all said and done.” Angelina’s tone had grown serious, and scolding.

Jake felt it sinking in his gut, the damage he’d done to Francis, and what his actions had ultimately helped bring about. Angelina leaned forward and hooked his chin to capture his glance toward hers.

“Listen, little boy. It’s better to be on the winning team. This isn’t business ethics, this is business. Cuppola can rot, and these contracted fighters you’re so worried about? Well they either fall in line… or they fall off the face of the earth. And you have a choice, too. Can you see what I’m getting at?”

Jake eyed her with thoughts he didn’t wish to mention. Regret and guilt mixed with anger the likes of which he’d never quite managed to focus before until now. Slowly, with a stone face of his own, he began to nod.

“I can see what you’re getting at,” he murmured. She smiled at him, assuming they’d reached an understanding.

“Good,” she sipped from her champagne glass. “Let’s start planning Melee 6. Should we switch any of our cast?”
Gabe sat up excitedly.

“I did have some ideas actually, to increase our exposure in the Asian market—“

Fade in on a slow push-in on Jake watching them plotting. His eyes narrowing.


ANGELINA ALTAMONTE             Herself

GABE FROHMAN                   Himself

JAKE                           Himself

DWAYNE JOHNSON                 Nate Hollis

RYAN REYNOLDS                  Brad Stokes

MILLIE MCKENZIE                Angelica Vaughn

JOEY JANELA                    Zack Fantana

CHRIS RIDGEWAY                 Reno Nevada

SHLAK                          Alfie Tenner

JIMMY HAVOC                    Sybyl

COLT CABANA                    Shane Clemmens

MEN IN SUITS                   Themselves

ANGELO SALVATORE               Himself

SECURITY GUARD #1              Himself

SECURITY GUARD #2              Himself

SECURITY GUARD #3              Himself

DEAD MAN                       Himself

PENTAGON JR.                   The BLACKSTAR

MATT RIDDLE                    Brennan Devlin

MERCEDES MARTINEZ              Natalie King


PRODUCER                       Barry Stollman

CONSULTING PRODUCER            Mike Roach

CO-PRODUCER                    Quinn Sanders

SUPERVISING PRODUCER           Brian Chappell

PRODUCERS                      Kevin Murphy
                               Sara Venneti

PRODUCED AND EDITED BY         Barry Stephenson
                               Matt Staller
                               Ryan Holder

SVP OF TALENT RELATIONS        Marty Funkhouser

TALENT PRODUCER                Liza Krouse

TALENT COORDINATOR             Brian Costa

PRODUCTION DESIGNER            Kelly Van Peters

PRODUCTION MANAGER             T.J. McClung

LOCATION MANAGER               Wes Seaton

MUSIC BY                       Franz Saporta

TECHNICAL DIRECTOR             Tom Gillogley

TECHNICAL MANAGER              Jason Pyatte

LIGHTING DIRECTOR              Nathan Koepke

ART DIRECTOR                   Nanci Bates

COSTUME DESIGNER               Grace Nazarian

POST SUPERVISOR                Tim Gunderson

AUDIO SUPERVISOR               Frank Ali

FIELD PRODUCER                 Kevin Ruback

2ND FLOOR PRODUCER             Ken O'Casey

2ND 2ND FLOOR PRODUCER         Megan Cooper

                               John Ditmars
                               Mark Markatos

MAKEUP DEPARTMENT HEAD         Elle Favorule

AUDIENCE PRODUCER              Amanda Geer

SEGMENT PRODUCER               Amanda Keller

                               Fabian Nicieza
                               Mark Pensaville

LEGAL COUNSEL                  Kathryn Pasternack
                               Rebecca Kirshner

CONSULTANT                     Karl Dozier

VP MARKETING                   Dona Carrington

VIDEO CONTROL                  Max Steinberg

TAPE OPERATOR                  Natalie Price

CAMERA OPERATORS               Laurence Velasquez
                               Ken Parrish
                               Phil Ramos
                               Brandon Kidd
                               Gene Dodson
                               Brian Gaines
                               Karin Bradshaw
                               Art Hobbs

AUDIO MIXER                    Stan Hoyte

PA MIXER                       Jimi Bowman

PL TECH                        Alex Fitzpatrick

SOUND EDITOR                   Jamie Levine

COLOR CORRECTION BY            Creative Cow

CAMERA UTILITY                 Dan Chambers
                               Jeremy Cruz
                               Barbara Lowery
                               Paul Church

PROP MASTER                    Maurice Cherry

ART DEPARTMENT BUYER           Marilyn Petty

LEAD CARPENTER                 Jasper Norris

SET CARPENTERS                 Timmy Houston
                               Craig Vang

SET DRESSERS                   Vira McConnell
                               Otto King
                               Emiliano Rasmussen

KEY MAKEUP ARTIST              Victoria Burton

COSTUME SUPERVISOR             Azby Grimes

SET COSTUMERS                  Susana Padilla
                               Michelle Phelps

COSTUME MAKER                  Stephanie Brady

POST COORDINATOR               Francisco Morris

ASSISTANT PC                   Cori Gibbs

ASSISTANT EDITORS              Tim Dickerson
                               Brian Charles
                               JP Murillo

TAPE LIBRARIAN                 Michael McCarty


MUSIC PRODUCER                 Stephen Moon

GAFFER                         Adan Sharp

KEY GRIP                       Daniel Carrillo

BEST BOY GRIP                  Colin Hood

BEST BOY ELECTRIC              Brian Kennedy

GRIPS                          Brendan Beasley
                               Clayton Serrano

LIGHTING TECHNICIANS           Doug Mueller
                               Adam Edwards
                               Nigel Arnold
                               Fritz Kent

LIGHTING PA                    Danny Bartlett

LIGHTING PROGRAMMER            Richard Keller

Accountant                     Mort Feingold

                               Karina Kline

SET MEDICS                     Greg West
                               Carlos Deleon

KEY SET PA                     Destiny Chandler

PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS          Daryl Stewart
                               Sammi Stewart
                               Sean Dalton
                               Jesse Marks
                               Justin Todd
                               Nina Gay
                               Robby Cole
                               Allyssa Lewis
                               Grant Golden
                               Jonathan Duncan
                               Diego Sanchez
                               Robin Christian







The real Shane Clemmens, Sybyl, Alfie Tenner, and Reno Nevada are sitting at the bar. Exhausted and battered, each of their faces are covered in fresh scrapes, stitched-up cuts, and swollen bruises. In the background, WORST DAY SINCE YESTERDAY by FLOGGING MOLLY plays from an unseen jukebox: Well I know, I miss more than hit, With a face that was launched to sink…

SHANE: Gentlemen, I’d like to make a toast.

He raises his whiskey glass. The others respond in kind: Sybyl with a glass of cabernet sauvignon, Reno with a double of Jameson, and Alfie with a pint of lager.

SHANE: Here’s to the hole that never heals…the more I rub it the better it feels!

The four of them laugh and drink and holler. Alfie silences the crew by clearing his throat. He raises his beer mug, and the others followed suit.

ALFIE: Here’s to the girl in the little red shoes. She loves to party and she’ll drink your booze. She lost her cherry, but that ain’t no sin, cuz she’s still got the box it came in!

Another chorus of drunken laughs and swigs follow. Next up is Sybyl. He swirls the wine around his glass.

Sybyl: When we are born, we cry…that we are come to this great stage of fools…

He takes a long sip of his wine. The other three take their own drinks with a bit less enthusiasm. Alfie looks at Sybyl sideways.

ALFIE: Who said that?

SYBYL: King Lear.

Reno let out a long rasbury sound.

RENO: (laughing) What’s the matter, you don’t know any fucking Shakespeare?

SYBYL: Shakespeare wrote King Lear.


Shane leads over the bar to look down at Reno.

SHANE: I thought you went to Harvard, man.

RENO: (admittingly) On scholarship. And I was kicked out for totally bogus reasons. Anyway, LAST BUT NOT LEAST.

The men raise their glasses.

RENO: (in an Irish accent) D’ere once was a fella named McSweeny who spilled some gin on ‘is weenie. Jus ta’ be couth, he ‘added vermouth…then slipped ‘is girl a martini!

The celebration continues. Drinks are downed and laughs are shared. Reno finishes his and motions for a refill. The bartender is a fat man named Dooley with an oversized handlebar moustache and bald head. He grabs the Jameson from the back shelf and pours a couple fingers of liquor in the glass.

DOOLEY: You did Southie proud tonight, Reno. No need to feel bad about it. You’ll get em next time.

RENO: What the fuck you mean, Dools?

DOOLEY: Your wrestling match. Your buddy here beat you. I’m just saying, you’ll get em next time, is all.

RENO: Wrestling? What the fuck were you watching Dooley? We had a street fight three blocks from here and I fucking won.

DOOLEY: Fight 2 Win. We watched it in the bar. I got the Netflix now.

RENO: Put it on.

Dooley found the remote and turned the overhead flat screen television from the local channel to the Netflix app. After a couple button presses, the latest episode of F2W’s Melee loads on the screen.

RENO: Fast forward. Who even watches this bullshit between the matches?

ALFIE: I was just saying that to someone the other day. I just skip to the fighting.

RENO: There—stop.

Dooley hits play. The video starts in the middle of a match a wrestling ring. Four men are fighting it out, punching and drop kicking each other around the squared circle.

RENO: What the fuck is this shit…

SHANE: (suddenly paying attention) Hey, is that Cold Cabana?

Dooley looks from Shane to the TV and back to Shane.

DOOLEY: That’s you.

RENO: Fucking DOOLS. They don’t REMOTELY look alike. Shane Clemmens looks like a young Robert Redford high on 8-Balls.

SHANE: Nice.

RENO: That imposter on TV looks like a if the fat kid from Goonies grew up and stayed fat.

Alfie perks up on his stool and points as his on-screen character jackknife powerbombs Colt-Cabana-Shane-Clemmens on the mat and gets the pinfall. The bell rings on the television.

ALFIE: Look at that, mates. I won!

RENO: This is some fucked up shit, boyos.

SYBYL: Why did we just beat eachother up outside a liquor store in Boston for if this was what they were going to show people?

SHANE: We did it for the pussy.

Alfie looks around, then at Shane.

ALFIE: There ain’t nothin but swingin’ dicks in here. There’s a guy over there literally dressed like the Gorton's fisherman.

SHANE: Yeah. We should have went to the Applebee’s. DTF bitches hang at Applebee’s.

Reno slams a hand on the bar.

RENO: GOD DAMNIT. I hate these people. I HATE EM.


RENO: The people who run this fucking promotion. First, I have a guy implant a fucking bomb in my neck—

SHANE: A bomb? Let me see!

RENO: —and then that Angelina hoe doesn’t even fucking show our fucking fight. We tore a liquor store apart and fought in the middle of a god damn rotary! I hit Alfie over the head with a bottle of Jager!

ALFIE: That’s right!

RENO: That could have killed him! And they don’t even show it.

SYBYL: Yeah but what are we supposed to do about it?

Shane Clemmens stands up. The feet of his barstool squeak on the floor. He takes the sunglasses hanging from his shirt collar and flips them open.

SHANE: When someone fucks you—

He slides the sunglasses on and continues.

SHANE: —you fuck harder.