El Promo Generico - Angelica vs. Zack Fantana RP#1
« on: January 27, 2018, 10:31:34 PM »
January 28th 2018
A basement down in Baltimore

Larry wasn’t exactly what you’d call a human marvel. He was decidedly average on many fronts. Almost hitting thirty, still living at home with his divorced mother, and he spent most of his days sitting behind a desk on a creaky chair, with an overhead spotlight shining down on his ever increasing beer belly and bald patch.

Staring at a computer screen through horn-rimmed glasses was his favorite ‘hobby’, if you’d call it that. His ‘work’ consisted of faking a hip injury that allowed him to live on social welfare, and it was sometimes as much a hassle as actually clocking in on a daily basis and contribute to society, but he liked the illusion that he was cheating the system. It had started out as a rebellious phase, but one he hadn’t grown out of, unlike his jeans vest full of principled buttons which was now moth food in one of the armoires in the attic.

That’s not to say Larry wasn’t smart. Oh no, he was a 100% pure, unadulterated hardcore nerd after all. He could write programs, develop websites, disassemble a piece of tech and put it back together again blindfolded. He could model pretty amazing 3D-objects and even animate them! But unlike nerd-chief-in-command Bill Gates, he was also very lazy. Choosing welfare over work and dodgy get-rich-quick-schemes over carefully playing the stock market, he was a vat full of questionable decisions. It was undoubtedly the main reason for Larry never having reached his full potential as a human being, but as long as he had his computer, his welfare checks, and his Netflix and Brazzers subscriptions he was perfectly happy.

At least, he had been.  Something had been nagging at him in recent weeks. As his bank account had more and more trouble keeping above zero at the end of the month, the government was breathing down his neck, and his mom quite frankly was a harder pain in his butt than the horrible chair he was forced to sit on, Larry had decided that enough was enough. He needed some cash and start living more comfortably. He was single AND barely scraping by. For someone who had put ‘Get Money, Fuck Bitches’ in his high school yearbook, that was unacceptable to say the least! But since nobody would hire him (and could you blame them?) it was up to him and his own skills to dig himself out of the quicksand he had voluntarily jumped into all those years ago. He wasn’t going to let it suck him down completely. And so Larry had booted up his computer one day, and put his fingers to work on some simple, yet elegant coding.

He was certain this was going to make him rich, as he had seen a huge untapped market. And he had drawn his inspiration from the wacky world of wrestling, a rather curious sport, but one he was oh so fond of. Not that he had ever spent money on it, other than his Brennan Devlin T-shirt (oh how much he loved that manly man!), but since it said Bernan Delvin, he was pretty sure it was a Chinese bootleg. Also explained the lowly cost of three bucks.

So now that you’re up to speed on who Larry is, we meet him as he’s working on the project that he is convinced will make him rich. His fingers are flying over the keyboard, powered up by gallons of knockoff Red Bull and an intense desire to make a fortune. The clock reads 3:24 PM and a few meagre rays of sunlight have managed to find their way through the tiny windows at the top of the dusty basement in which he dwells. Then, his hands suddenly stop. With a bright smile, he hits ‘ENTER’ one last time and gets up from his chair, his arms outstretched into the air.


Okay, so he’s talking about his computer program here, not the actual Frankenstein’s monster, but to Larry it certainly was up there in terms of achievement, hence the reference. He stretches his lower back, cracking three vertebrae and nearly knocking over a soda can with his belly that had grown to such a size Larry deemed working out to lose weight pointless by now. He checks the clock again, expecting his friend David to arrive any minute now. ‘Half past three’, he said and David was usually punctual. And indeed, it didn’t take long for Larry to hear his distinctive knocks on the trap door that led to his basement. David comes in without waiting for a response, as per usual. They knew each other long enough to know they could afford such privileges, having been good friends since high school.

David was a lot different from Larry. Tall, not at all bad looking, and the manager of a successful car washing service in town. Not that it mattered. But yet, David liked Larry, despite all of his flaws. To him, Larry was like an old pair of jeans you don’t wanna give up: ugly, often more trouble than it’s worth, people make fun of it, has definitely seen better days… but it was comforting and relaxing to wear, even if only for nostalgia’s sake. Besides, the two shared their passion for wrestling. The few times Larry came out of his house was when he went to visit David for PPV shows or just regular scheduled programming. So when Larry called David and told him about his new wrestling project that he was about to finish, the latter was intrigued and promised to stop by, despite not being very fond of the many spiders that occupied the same room as his friend.

“What’s up, Lar?” David says by manner of greeting. The addressed doesn’t answer, but does throw a can of Budweiser in his direction, which David snatches out of the air. “Ooh, the fancy stuff, huh? What are we celebrating?”

“I finished it, Dave!” Larry says enthusiastically. “The money’s gonna come rolling in, just you watch! Gonna be a millionaire before the year is over!”

They crack open the cans and toast. David grins before taking a swig. He heard this one too many times before to take it seriously at this point.

“So what’s this secret project you’ve been working on, Lar? You made it sound like you reinvented the wrestling business! Something to revolutionize it once and for all!”

Larry downs his well-deserved beer as quickly as he can before answering and motions David over to his PC. “Comes and see for yourself. Take a seat! And prepare… to be blown away!”

David does as instructed, takes place in front of the screen and as Larry hits the spacebar on his program, a video starts to play…


A blank background. White as snow. In front of it, a computer-generated face with indiscernible features. There is no hair, the eyes grey and hollow, the mouth straight as a ruler. As the lips part, a robotic voice speaks as the generic head stares straight into the camera, not moving a digital muscle.

“Hello. I am Wrestler One. This week, at Episode N of Company X, I am facing Wrestler Two.
I do not like Wrestler Two. He or she is a wrestler of inferior quality that does not belong in the same ring with me as I am much better. That fact is plain to see.
His or her achievements mean very little. Mine are much better. I am much more impressive than you will ever be and I can’t wait to prove to everybody exactly how much by kicking your posterior inside of the squared circle.

People do not like Wrestler Two as I am undoubtedly the fan’s favorite wrestler ever. I, Wrestler One, am strong, smart and brave and you are not. You are the worst wrestler I’ve come across. Try to assimilate that information as it might help you with your impending loss.

As all my attributed outclass yours and I have won much more important matches in the past, there is enough empirical evidence to back up the fact I will be the cause of your swift defeat in our upcoming match.

Do you remember when Wrestler Three defeated you? I once defeated Wrestler Three very easily, so it should be easy for me, Wrestler One to defeat Wrestler Two. After all, I have held the Random Championship on X occasions. What feat have you accomplished that is even remotely as impressive? None!

So to summarize it all, I am great and you suck!”

The CGI lips close again, assuming their original motionless straight pose. The eyes keep staring straight into the camera as the digital scene fades to black.


“So, what do you think?” an enthusiastic Larry asks, looking over at a frowning David who was scratching his head in confusion.

“What… the hell was that, Lar?”

Larry doesn’t seem all too pleased by his friend’s lack of amazement of the technological marvel in front of him.

“What do you mean, what the hell was that? It’s a computer program that generates promo’s for wrestlers!”

“But… why?”

“Dude! Seriously? Do you even realize how large an untapped market this is? Just imagine, there are dozens of new wrestlers popping up every day, and just as many disappearing as quickly as they had arrived because it’s way harder than they’d expected. On top of that, there are many, many talented wrestlers who are great in the ring but they simply can’t hack it on the mic. Think how much this could help them! They would give bucketloads of cash if they could just click a button, and have a promo generated for them. Hell, with this CGI they don’t even have to get in front of the camera anymore, they just get to the ring and compete!”

David pulls on his earlobe, trying to phrase it correctly.

“Well… yeah. But that isn’t usable, Lar. I mean, it sounds like Weird Al’s Sports Song! And how does it even work?”

Larry pats David on the shoulder shoo-ing him from the chair and takes his spot on the chair. “Let me show you! I didn’t just create this program. I made a whole wrestler database consisting of all relevant wrestlers in the world. I gave them attributes, put in their quirks, etcetera. Believe me, it’s tight! What you just saw was the standard, generic version of a ‘heel’ promo; but it automatically adapts to what wrestler in the database you use. You can just drag and drop and the program will adapt to the wrestler profile settings like basic alignment; plus, there are loads of slider options you can play around with as well. Intensity of delivery, savagery level, emotional range,… It’s all in there!”

“I’m still not sure I understand, Lar.”

“I’ll demonstrate. Let’s scour the database for someone, huh? Let’s just type in ‘A’…. Scroll for a bit… Ah! Here! Perfect example! Check this out, Angelica Vaughn!!”

“Perfect example!” Larry continues. “Talented performer, but not that great on the mic. Has great potential, but not quite next-level yet. Also quite hot, if you’re into leggy blondes. Imagine if she had this program which could write her promo’s for her. It’d be so easy. Let’s just drag and drop her file into the program…”

David continues to look over Larry’s shoulder as the program does its work and Larry keeps tapping on his keyboard. “So now it overwrites the generic promo using the stats and attributes locked into the database’s wrestler file?”

“Exactly! See, now you’re getting it. And then let’s set these sliders to ‘friendly” and “sporting”, as she’s known to be of course. “Spirit” slightly down since she just lost a title… Hey Dave, do you know who she’s facing next?”

Dave thinks for a second as he rubs the stubble on his chin. “Well, there’s Tolson on Sunday, but ugh who cares about that, right? Match after that is Zack Fantana for Fight2Win, now THAT will be interesting! I haven’t heard her say anything about it on Twitter, so that leads me to believe that she doesn’t know what to say about it. Sounds like the perfect trial run for your little program, Lar!”

“Good thinking. So, let me just select ‘F2W’ from the drop-down Company Menu… ‘Opponent’ Zack Fantana, of course. And oh, this is interesting! “Mutual friendships detected!” That’ll be taken into account. ‘Specialty Venue’ is The Bobby Franchise Center for At-Risk Youth. Should be intredasting, right? As for ‘scene’, let’s go with a regular old locker room.”

“Nah, F2W doesn’t really have those. Remember that crazy fight on the peninsula? That ish was insaaaane! Do you have something more urban to go with the location they’re about to fight in?”

“Can do, Dave. Right, that’s everything. Wanna give it a trial run?”

“Hell yeah, fire it up!”

And after excitedly rubbing his hands, Larry hits ENTER one last time.


Angelica Vaughn stands in front of a business center in Pittsburgh, Penssylvania, its skyline clearly discernible in the background. She has a friendly smile on her face, but there is also a slight sadness in her eyes, as if she has recently lost something important to her… but she is hopeful for the future. Her make-up is immaculate, dark wingtips accentuating her big, green eyes and a healthy blush on her cheeks that brightens her perfect skin. Her long blonde hair is tied into a single braid that is draped over her left shoulder, and she nervously twirls it, before seemingly noticing the camera is rolling.

“Hey there, F2W peeps! Angie Vaughn here, reporting to you LIVE from Pittsburgh, Penssylvania!
As you all know, I had that crazy adventure at the peninsula. I think I just about got the bits of tree bark out of my forehead by now. I didn’t win. But what an unbelievable experience it was! And what’s even better, when you’re part of F2W, the fighting never stops!
Now, for my next fight, I’m facing Zack Fantana. We’ve never met. Never spoke. So I have to rely on what I saw from him. Now, I don’t like basing myself on mostly hearsay, but my Cinci HitGirls teammate Trixie vouches for you, and I deem her to be an excellent judge of character! To be honest, you do seem like a good egg, Zack. You have many many titles to your name, which speaks volumes of your skills. You’ve held more titles than I’ve had matches here in F2W, so suffice to say I am not underestimating you one bit! I’m sure we’ll have a great fight! You’ve only ever truly lost to Nathalie King who has been on absolute fire and is a deserving champion. Heck, you’ve even beaten Brennan Devlin, something I admittedly failed to do…”

Angelica pouts for a second, fully realizing that she has to own that loss and move on from it, lest he risk letting it get to her. She shakes her head and moves on.

“Anyway, back to the matter at hand. You vs. Me. Now, I’m used to having a lot of fan support. I know, it sounds a bit arrogant of me to say that, but it’s true! But yet, you’re doing something that even I can only dream of! Your outreach to at-risk youth is something I admire a lot! I’m sure they all totes admire you for the example you’re setting. It’s a thing I hope to emulate one day. I believe that, as wrestlers or fighters, we have to set a proper example. Lord knows there are enough selfish egomaniacs running around out there setting bad examples. But not you! I like that.

But don’t think this means I’ll roll over for you, Zack. Respect is one thing, but I can hardly afford another loss here. I’ve gone through a period with some very high highs and some very deep lows in recent weeks. I’m looking to get some momentum going here. Losing to Devlin the first time was hard. Coming up just short in the peninsula was harder. I know you must be thinking the same. You were there, after all. You know what we encountered there. But I have to show everybody what I can do. Get that win-loss record up. But most importantly, I. Want. My. T-shirt! I want to wear it with pride, show that I belong at F2W, show that I can roll with the best of them and that I may not be the best fighter, but I have the most heart of everybody on the roster! And heart can win you matches. Heart can win you titles. I’ve proven that in the past. I can do it again.

So until we meet, Zack, I bid you adieu. I look forward to fighting and wrestling in front of the kids in the center. Keep it up!”

Angelica winks and after a radiant smile, the camera fades to black.


“Not bad, huh?” Larry exclaims as he and David look at the computer screen.

“Well…” David begins, “it won’t win any Emmy Awards that’s for sure. But… it could be worse. It certainly looks like it could be featured on TV.”

“You bet! Hey, tell you what. I’m gonna prove to you right here, right now, that this shit is worth cold hard cash, dude! This will be the first step to unparalleled wealth! I’m going to mail it straight to Angelica’s agent and I’ve no doubt she’ll cough up some nice dough. Those wrestler types got money to burn after all.”

“You think? Well… Try it, can’t hurt I guess.”


From: Larry Schwartzkopf <--redacted-->
Date: January 28th, 03:52 PM
To: Edith Seybold <--redacted-->
Subject: Angelica Vaughn promotional material

Dear Mrs. Seybold

My name is Larry Schwartzkopf, a freelance programmer and graphical artist. I have recently taken a great interest in the world of wrestling and offer a service to wrestlers struggling to put forth on-camera promotional video’s as is required by most modern-day federations.
Attached to this e-mail you will find a video that can be used for such purposes. It has been tailor-made to fit the purposes of your client Angelica Vaughn and is yours for the lowly price of $750, price non-negotiable.

I look forward to your response.

Kind regards
Larry Schartzkopf


From: Edith Seybold <--redacted-->
Date: January 28th, 03:58 PM
To: Larry Schartzkopf <--redacted-->
Subject: RE: Angelica Vaughn promotional material
Attachment: gofuckurself.gif

Dear Mr. Schwartzkopf

Kindly fuck off. We have no interest in scam artists. Do not contact me again or I will be forced to take legal action for harassment and illegal use of my client’s likeness and image. I suggest you find a real job.

Unkind regards
Edith Seybold